Julia R Lofts




07787 180 256

When you find yourself at a breaking point in your intimate relationship it can feel as if there's no way forward, no way through or out.

Emotions and intimate relationships are at the core of our happiness, so there's it’s not surprising that when fear of breakdown and separation is felt, we desperately long to restore closeness & a sense of equilibrium. What often stand in the way of repair are negative interactional patterns and unresolved (unprocessed/unforgiven) mutual hurts, as well as lack of awareness of each other's vulnerable feelings.

Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples is a short-term structured approach to couple therapy with an emphasis on core emotions in marital distress. Over 8-12 sessions you will learn to identify negative cycles, resolve emotional injuries, and work towards forgiveness, letting go and reconciliation.  

Relationship Counselling

Couples come to therapy not only in times of crisis. It's a place where you can safely talk about what's missing in your relationship and where you may wish to take it. 

One or both partners find themselves having thoughts and questions like:
- "Is this all it is?"
- "I'm pretty satisfied with my marriage, but..."
- "It's not really bad enough to leave...but not good enough to stay...there's no fun or joy here any more..."
- "I just need a break from all of this...maybe I need to be with someone else for six months and then come back to my partner..."
- "Is it ever going to change or get better, or is this for the rest of my life?"
- "My partner doesn't seem to love me anymore."
- "Our sex life is next to nothing...and even when we're having sex it's not the same...there's no passion between us."

In relationship counselling 'the relationship' is the client. Just like you, the relationship changes - it has its times of brightness and times of drabness. How you and your partner feel, think and behave create the dynamic and atmosphere in the relationship. And being able to see and understand what's actually going on can be one of the most significant achievements for both of you.

During and after therapy, couples often report improved communication & understanding of each other’s feelings, greater sense of wellbeing, reduced jealousy and other unhelpful feelings & behaviours. Creative solutions are often found to stabilise and improve family life, parenting attitudes, and the emotional & sexual side of the relationship. 

Whether you're in a "high-distress, high-conflict" relationship or "low-conflict, low-stress" unhappy marriage, couples therapy could be a reasonable step for both of you to consider.

As your couple therapist I will not take sides, and I’ll offer both of you an opportunity to safely share your side of the story. There will be an option to have some individual sessions as part of our work together - these could be confidential between me and each of you, or you may choose to waive this individual confidentiality. Our sessions though will always be confidential. Together we will decide on the best approach and aims of our work – to understand causes of distress & conflict, improve communication & negotiation skills, find creative solutions to revive warmth, sex life and love. And even if you feel the best possible outcome is for your relationship to end, I will safely guide you through preparation & separation as well as moving forward to living separate, satisfying lives. ​​I may ask each of you to complete a self-assessment questionnaire before our first meeting.

What is the real purpose of couples therapy and what to expect? 

Emotion Focused Therapy for Couples

Focus, Understanding, Attention

Relationship problems are common but can be improved with counselling. 

Relationships can be hard work, and a breakdown of an important relationship is likely to cause great distress. For many people the instinct is to try harder, but you may have found yourself thinking whether your relationship can be saved, or is even worth saving. The first step is for both of you to be able to look at the relationship in a more objective way.

For some couples Relationship Therapy may seem as a last resort; others choose not to wait until things get really bad and choose to seek help early. 

​An unbiased, confidential and non-judgemental therapist can help you start moving forward - whatever direction is right for you.

Julia Lofts Counsellor Psychotherapist Wadhurst Tunbridge Wells Stress Anxiety Depression Eating Disorders Undiagnosed Medical Conditions Mindfulness CBT